A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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