if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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