Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
