When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
