No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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