It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
