using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
