they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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