when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
