What did we do last night that was yellow?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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