I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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