I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
