it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
