Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.