i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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