Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...

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  (414): I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america... http://tfl.nu/w5je
  Replies (7) Good night (1098) Bad night (3356)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,

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  (250): Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog, http://tfl.nu/g0c0
  Replies (22) Good night (1036) Bad night (4414)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

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  (850): hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored. http://tfl.nu/m1fl
  Replies (43) Good night (1144) Bad night (7970)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

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  (407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e
  Replies (9) Good night (4744) Bad night (1090)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands

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  (617): the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands http://tfl.nu/ha5y
  Replies (15) Good night (7216) Bad night (1761)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.

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  (813): His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up. http://tfl.nu/2dvo
  Replies (1) Good night (2793) Bad night (952)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

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  (765): just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters http://tfl.nu/51nh
  Replies (8) Good night (3038) Bad night (2263)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night

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  (517): I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night http://tfl.nu/lvdh
  Replies (5) Good night (1646) Bad night (704)
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  (619): View more from California

  The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.

  (1-619): View more from California

  Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.

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  (619): The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out. (1-619): Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl. http://tfl.nu/aous
  Replies (10) Good night (3037) Bad night (683)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.

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  (605): but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair. http://tfl.nu/hd3s
  Replies (4) Good night (1618) Bad night (929)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions

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  (513): He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions http://tfl.nu/8lj3
  Replies (1) Good night (639) Bad night (313)
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  (310): View more from California

  I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.

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  (310): I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know. http://tfl.nu/cmhk
  Replies (2) Good night (691) Bad night (346)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.

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  (516): I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life. http://tfl.nu/l6bp
  Replies (0) Good night (655) Bad night (394)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".

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  (501): While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors". http://tfl.nu/n1au
  Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (302)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.

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  (804): In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off. http://tfl.nu/441m
  Replies (4) Good night (871) Bad night (265)

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