i don't like sucking hair
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.