Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yes give me all the cream and he's gone

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  (919): Yes give me all the cream and he's gone http://tfl.nu/m4vo
  Replies (2) Good night (1086) Bad night (646)
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  (510): View more from California

  I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you high?

  (510): View more from California

  No. That's why it's odd

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  (510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd. (702): Are you high? (510): No. That's why it's odd http://tfl.nu/ybok
  Replies (5) Good night (2406) Bad night (793)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

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  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (37) Good night (25719) Bad night (1135)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now

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  (816): I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now http://tfl.nu/vuci
  Replies (23) Good night (1512) Bad night (3142)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.

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  (810): just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe. http://tfl.nu/ayww
  Replies (11) Good night (5324) Bad night (632)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..

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  (407): I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks.. http://tfl.nu/av5i
  Replies (13) Good night (1053) Bad night (4245)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?

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  (714): so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"? http://tfl.nu/sml3
  Replies (20) Good night (4963) Bad night (1369)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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  (503): There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever http://tfl.nu/502h
  Replies (3) Good night (3741) Bad night (1720)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

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  (904): You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition. http://tfl.nu/ww1r
  Replies (9) Good night (2066) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

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  (304): As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj. http://tfl.nu/nu7q
  Replies (16) Good night (2669) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.

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  (757): where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside. http://tfl.nu/wzli
  Replies (6) Good night (2616) Bad night (1128)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  God bless us, everyone.

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  (228): I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!" (601): God bless us, everyone. http://tfl.nu/p8dj
  Replies (2) Good night (1255) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.

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  (+27): My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like. http://tfl.nu/slfh
  Replies (3) Good night (475) Bad night (1239)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.

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  (908): I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen. http://tfl.nu/v4tf
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.

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  (702): I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get. http://tfl.nu/37ej
  Replies (0) Good night (732) Bad night (280)

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