I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.