Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i think my mom watched the whole time

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  (856): i think my mom watched the whole time http://tfl.nu/ceac
  Replies (5) Good night (681) Bad night (4535)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  His name should be shouldn't

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  (409): Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs (1-409): His name should be shouldn't http://tfl.nu/ggoo
  Replies (48) Good night (823) Bad night (2014)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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  (931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c
  Replies (46) Good night (7038) Bad night (870)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

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  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (7057) Bad night (1401)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.

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  (248): If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/zk30
  Replies (1) Good night (2301) Bad night (1014)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work

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  (217): she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work http://tfl.nu/qwhd
  Replies (3) Good night (2237) Bad night (1197)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

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  (402): My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself. http://tfl.nu/70br
  Replies (13) Good night (3294) Bad night (703)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

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  (505): It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm. http://tfl.nu/vdhu
  Replies (15) Good night (4821) Bad night (707)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl

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  (407): I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl http://tfl.nu/1s7i
  Replies (11) Good night (1802) Bad night (584)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?

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  (816): There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/cxgm
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (432)
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  (510): View more from California

  I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.

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  (510): I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it. http://tfl.nu/j8q4
  Replies (1) Good night (992) Bad night (345)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.

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  (845): I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet. http://tfl.nu/5hoi
  Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (764)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?

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  (515): He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for? http://tfl.nu/vbci
  Replies (4) Good night (1139) Bad night (238)
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  (721): View more from

  I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix

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  (721): I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix http://tfl.nu/vrhy
  Replies (5) Good night (663) Bad night (322)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.

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  (313): I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION. http://tfl.nu/w75i
  Replies (8) Good night (530) Bad night (265)

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