I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.