my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.