at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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