i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
