my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
