I got chris browned last night
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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