So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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