Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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