I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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