why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
