He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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