You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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