i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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