ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
