You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
