Me too!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
