does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
