Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
