The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
