can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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