i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
