answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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