My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
