bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
