Your dad touched me again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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