How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
