Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
