I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
