May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
