Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Randomize
