Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
