would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
