Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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