youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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