Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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