I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
