I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
