So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
