Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
