Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
