DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
