I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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