Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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