Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize