Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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