end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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