i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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