Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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