I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i need some magic done to my vagina
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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