just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
