I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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