I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
