the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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