All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want a musical about memes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
