You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
