one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
