dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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