: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize