What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
