I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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