At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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