mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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