she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
